Life is Good
My name is Marcel, and I am an addict. Last night was an awesomely good meeting. The meetings last for 90 minutes, and in those 90 minutes I got to hear how other peoples addictions are manifesting in their lives after 10+ years clean. At the end of the meeting, I felt inspired. It is a beautiful feeling. So at the end, we hug each other, and I was hugging people too. I have since learned that I go to meetings to help me, not to see what Johnny and Sue are doing. I walked up to an old-timer who is coming up on 18 years, to tell him that I appreciate what he said and that he touches my heart and my mind on a regular basis. He is an extremely powerful and charismatic speaker. This is where it gets really good. He started sharing more of his experience, strength, and hope with me.
For another 90 minutes, this old timer, one of the people he sponsors, and her nephew sat in a mini-circle and had another meeting. The other person he sponsors plays a major role in my recovery, i have nothing but the utmost highest respect, love, and admiration for her. I heard something last night in that meeting after the meeting that made me want to cry. I was told that if I really want a better life, if I want the peace and serenity that my role model has, I have to change. The reason this made me want to cry is because not only am I a human being who instinctively resists change, I am an addict. I thought that I had made changes, enough changes. As a matter of fact, the changes that I have made so far, I kicked and screamed the entire way. But they aren't enough. What I heard in that second 90 minutes was directed specifically at me. It is a beautiful thing to have someone take special interest in me and take me under their wing so to speak.
I have a sponsor and my sponsor is really really good. He is the first person that made me feel welcome and at home in the rooms of Narcotics Anonymous. My sponsor has 3 years of clean time. I am able to relate to him on virtually every level. The only difference that I am aware of between him and I is the drug of choice that he used. He guides me on a daily basis and steers me in my recovery. I owe him more than a simple thank you. But in this program, the only way it works is if we freely give back what we have been so freely given. I can't wait to talk to him and tell him about last night. My name is Marcel, and I am an addict.
